paul nicholson

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Patch Notes

In Funny, Me on November 6, 2015 at 10:23 pm

One of the things that makes getting older the most frustrating is that it seems like so much of the physical issues that come with age are entirely unnecessary. While diseases are frustrating, maladies like kidney stones, cancer, and other malfunctions of the human body seem like the result of just poor design. I made the comment to my wife the other day that I really wanted to talk to God about why a few specific bugs slipped through product development. It seems like some common afflictions represent a major oversight of what should often be fairly simple issues to address.

daVinci's Vitruvian Man

This idea wasn’t entirely original of course. A frequent /r/AskReddit question goes something like “If you had to bug fix humans, what would you put in the patch notes?“. So, my first published blog post in (ok…I’ll look it up…skipping over the 4 unpublished drafts…) 1 year, 11 months, and 21 days is going to be my take on this patch list. Where possible, I’ll link back to inspirations from reddit threads.

Read the rest of this entry »

Indiana Jones And The… Yes, It Belongs

In Entertainment, Funny, Movies on October 24, 2009 at 10:53 am

One of the movie related blogs I read ran a post poking fun at a new Indiana Jones collectible item. While I have no problem poking fun at industries that make collectible 12″ figurines in limited runs or the adults that buy them, I do have a problem with their criticism of this particular item.

New Indiana Jones Collectible Item

New Indiana Jones Collectible Item

(I’m going to assume everyone reading this has either seen Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or does care about a spoiler for a non-plot related action point early in the movie. You are hereby warned.)

They, like so many before them make fun of the scene where Indiana Jones climbs into a lead-lined refrigerator to survive a nuclear blast at relatively close range. They essentially use to the term “nuked the fridge” interchangeably with “jumped the shark“. They incredulously reject the scene as silly, unbelievable, and out of place in an Indiana Jones movie.

(continued after the break) Read the rest of this entry »

really? this is news?

In Funny on April 16, 2008 at 1:01 pm

I stopped going near CNN’s website a long time ago.
I tried subscribing to their Twitter feed thinking it would be headline breaking news…i un-follwed when they posted “When your spouse is a slob (link to story)”.

A friend just pointed out this story on their front page. Wow.

I’m sorry for her and all, but why on earth would anyone want to read that story?

Just, wow.

April Foolishness

In Funny on April 1, 2008 at 7:05 am

I’ve become a pretty big fan of all the April Fools stuff that hits the web annually. Just gonna post a few of my favorites as i spot them throughout the day:

Funny through fear:

Funny through weird:

Funny through “Don’t tease me!”

Special mention goes to this article on DownloadSquad that mentions the idea that AOL will start distributing its software on USB flash drives through direct mail, like it used to with floppy disks and CDs. I’d love that personally. Back in the floppy disk days, it was always a pleasure to get the AOL junk mail – meant never having to buy a floppy disk again. Open, format, stick a new label on it.

Preds get into it with Columbus fans

In Funny, Hockey, Sports on March 31, 2008 at 11:12 am

Ok, so it doesn’t sound like it was that bad, but it got your attention, right?

James Mirtle just posted a story about his road trip to see the Preds play the Blue Jackets in Columbus (actually, he was there on assignment for the Globe and Mail to cover a soccer tourney).

The most interesting part by far:

Toward the end of the game, two hecklers started trying to give it to one end of the Preds bench where Jerred Smithson and Vernon Fiddler were sitting.

The conversation seemed relatively innocuous, and Fiddler was having a good time giving little behind the back fist pumps while he mouthed one word to the crowd: “Playoffs“.

Eventually, it turned a little ugly, as Smithson sprayed a water bottle through the crack in the glass at the fellow…who proceeded to dump half a beer over the glass.


He also has some good pics, but i won’t post them here. I don’t want to steal the whole post. Go check it out for yourself.

Looks like the animosity between these franchises doesn’t just involve the players. I don’t recall ever hearing of these types of altercations with fans in Nashville when Columbus visits, but that may have to do with us being the big brother in this situation, and the fans there are probably tired of losing to us all the time.

pretty source

In Funny on March 27, 2008 at 10:22 am

I’m all for commenting my source code and formatting it so that it is nice and neat. Proper indentions, tags, and comments are the key to writing good code.

I think has taken pretty source code to the next level, though.
I want my 503 bytes back.

critter captcha

In Cool Tech, Funny on March 17, 2008 at 8:38 am

First off, for those not familiar with a ‘captcha‘, they are basic test for humanity in web-based forms, meant to keep spammers away. If you make a comment on my blog, you’ll see one. They are generally a random collection of text that you have to enter into a form…the typical “type the word you see here” kinda stuff. The one at the right here (“A6LTY”) is from a Facebook sign up page.

You may have seen them getting more and more distorted lately (like the one to the right from MSN). This is because spammers were starting to use basic OCR software to allow their automated programs to defeat the tests. OCR software has a hard time seeing through distorted letters that (most) people can still easily see.

Last week captcha’s were in the news not once, but twice. First, Gmail’s captcha on their sign up process has supposedly been cracked. Gmail had been a pretty safe place to do your email business until recently, but now we may start seeing more spam come from “” (like we’ve been seeing from @hotmail and @yahoo for years). If that wasn’t bad enough, there are apparently spammers in Russia paying people $3 a day to do nothing but enter captchas all day.

So, what is a site supposed to do to protect its users against spammers?

Go fuzzy.

I just signed up for an account on the Clarksville Leaf Chronicle to comment on a story about East Nashville’s 5-points area*. I was greeted with this captcha:
That’s right. You now get to go back to kindergarten and identify your animals. I hit refresh and it gave me 9 new animal pictures and asked me to click on all animals with four legs. Creative and kinda fun. I wonder how long it will take to crack though…

* I wanted to make a comment, but haven’t been able to yet due to a really screwed up sign up process, because this chick must be really dumb to think that 5-points is named that just because the businesses are part of the Greater 5-points Merchants Association…wow…is Brooklyn named that because you get to it on the Brooklyn Bridge?

padded cell walking

In Funny, Videos on March 6, 2008 at 6:50 pm

Please, oh please, tell me this is a joke.

Actually, it is a PR stunt. Pay directory service 118-118 and some charity no one has ever heard of (“Living Streets”) teamed up to provide this ‘service’ and get mentioned in the news (and posted on blogs) around the world.

Well it worked. Good on ya fellas.

H/T Engadget

not-so-secret ballot

In East Nashville, Funny, History/Politics, Me, Nashville on February 5, 2008 at 11:45 am

I vote at Stratford High School in East Nashville. A politically active area, and one with a polling place that is very efficient. I have rarely had to wait more than 3-4 minutes to vote, but the area usually has a pretty good turnout.

However, the last three times i’ve voted, i have also had the pleasure of watching those before me cast their votes. It gives you that tight community feeling you understand…

You see, they setup the voting booths in the front lobby of the school, in front of the mirror-backed trophy cases. That’s right – they setup the secret ballot voting booths right in front of a WALL OF MIRRORS! They have a blue tape line marking where you can’t walk any closer to give people privacy while they vote. Problem is that i can actually see what they are doing better by standing back than if i was standing closer!

I’ve diagrammed (pardon the quick/sloppy artwork) the setup below:

I could see clearly what the guy was doing in the far left booth (as face the booths waiting in line). The fact that the booths were at an angle just made it that much easier to see.

When i mentioned it to the officials, they went over to the one person who i couldn’t see (in the far right booth) and interrupted him in the middle of voting and asked him to stand a little closer – like he was doing something wrong!

All it would take is draping some butcher paper, posters, or sheets over the trophy cases. I’ve mentioned it every time i voted in the last three elections and nothing has been done.

I finally just looked up the contact info for the election commission – they don’t have EMAIL!?! So, i just spend 15 minutes on hold on their general call in number (the pre-recorded message at the beginning wanted to make sure i knew they would be closed on Jan 21st for the MLK holiday). Finally i spoke with a general worker who was very polite and transferred me to Ms. Joan A Nixon’s voice mail. I was assured that she would return my call. Her email is listed on the commission’s website, so if i don’t hear back from her soon i’ll probably drop her an email.

I will update this space if they do ever contact me back or anything comes of this.

Nurse Anesthetist

In Friends, Funny, Videos on January 28, 2008 at 9:11 pm

In answer to a question Rob (aka: ThinkTrain) posted on Twitter a few weeks back – here’s how you celebrate Nurse Aneshetist week.

My good friend Jeff just through this video together. Hilarious.

Also make sure to check out Jeff’s “Runny Bakes a Tath” video.

What about them?

In Funny on January 23, 2008 at 8:36 pm

Seriously? Did i really just see this on an end cap at Kroger?

i haven't heard this urban legend since i was in high school. Now it is being used as a special promo product. What happened to the nice pastels (that are just repackaged for Easter) or actual pink ones for Valentine's?

Hint to young guys: if you give this as a gift to your new girlfriend you will be lucky if she finds it funny. She will not find it romantic.

oh the shame

In Funny, Hockey, Sports on December 10, 2007 at 9:41 am

T.J. Hensick and Marek Svatos have got to be going through some real self-reflection time right now. Their team, the Colorado Avalanche dropped 9…NINE goals on the St Louis Blues last night. But somehow, in their 9 and 12 minutes of ice time (respectively) they managed to end up -1 for the game. Now, granted, Colorado also gave up 5 goals to a powerful Blues team, it was a crazy shootout. But still. When you’re team finishes with 9 goals, ending the game -1 just looks silly.

Note: For the non-hockey fans among readers, the plus/minus rating is a hockey stat that measures the team goal differential when a specific player is on the ice. If a player is on the ice when his team scores (even strength or short handed) they get +1. If they are on the ice when their team is scored on (even strength or power play) they get -1.


In Funny on December 3, 2007 at 3:36 pm

I have noticed a recent trend in the office. Speech which i only “saw” in online forums and from high schoolers is working its way into spoken, workplace vocabulary. Phrases like “that effing stinks” and “W-T-F”. These euphamisms for the F-bomb are nothing new, but it just sounds really funny outloud. I personally have been known to say “that was freaking amazing” and i know deep down that it is a substitute for alternative language, just like “what the heck”, etc. But i’ve never said that in a business environment (that i can recall) and i’ve never, in personal or business life, actually pronounced the word “effing”. It just sounds dumb. Even worse: people actually saying “double-you tee eff”…as in WTF. Huh?

I’ve always been a big believer that vocabulary, if not accurately revealing, is frequently used as a way to judge a person’s intelligence. As a very wise…er, uh…enthusiastic Ruby Rod said in The 5th Element: “Will you please act like you have more than a 2-word vocabulary!”

proof it wasn’t a dream

In Funny, Hockey, Pictures, Sports, Videos on November 26, 2007 at 9:02 pm

Some of you who know me and have heard me talk about the Predators, have heard me tell the story about the night the Predators Flying Tiger (seen in its normal state here) got stuck in the rafters at a playoff game. It was actually the first every home playoff game for the Preds on April 11th, 2004 (a game we won handily by the way).

Basically what happened was this: The Flying Tiger was doing its usual thing, flying around and dropping passes for free stuff to fans. Then all of a sudden the crew directed it down over the ice, which it never does. They flew it lower and lower until someone went out on the ice and grabbed its “tail” (mooring cable i think) and began to lead it gingerly to the zamboni entrance floating about 6 feet above the ice. Then, all of a sudden, the whole fan/motor system on the bottom just fell off. Of course, all the weight of the fans, batteries, etc was the ballast for the balloon, and now it weighed far too little. The keeper holding the cable was unprepared and the whole thing shot straight up in the air and jerked the cable out of his hand. It flew straight up and jammed itself in the catwalk and remained there for the rest of the evening (probably a great view from there actually).

Well, i was just digging through a whole bunch of old pictures in my archive folders, and i stumbled upon video that i actually shot of the occasion on my old Sony Clie UX50. It’s not pretty, but it’s proof! You can definitely see the Flying Tiger motionless at the top of the arena, stuck in the rafters above the ice.

So here ya go. Enjoy!

Predators Flying Tiger stuck in the rafters from Paul Nicholson on Vimeo.

I fell for it

In Funny, Music, Pictures on November 20, 2007 at 10:55 am

I just paid $0.89 extra for a large combo i very much didn’t need, just to get a free download that normally cost… $0.89. Stupid.

Apologies to fantasy sports owners

In Funny, Hockey, Sports on November 15, 2007 at 9:24 pm

Fantasy sports players (any sport, not just hockey) need to watch this video. Now. Just the beginning. Don’t have to watch the whole thing. If you don’t want to or can’t watch the video, you can check this summary here.

i is smart

In Blog Stuff, Funny, Me on November 5, 2007 at 9:37 pm

Hee hee.
I wonder what specifically justified my humble recreational sports and personal introspective online journal a “collegiate level” evaluation?

(note: do not just blindly copy all the HTML for your blog they have to embed it in your site – it includes links for loan spam)

It’s a little slow today

In Funny, Pictures, Work on November 1, 2007 at 12:18 pm

It’s been a little slow at work today.

strike video

In Entertainment, Funny, Movies, Videos on October 31, 2007 at 9:08 pm

I don’t even remember if i’ve written about the impending double-strike on my blog before. Basically i’ve been following the news over the past couple of months via Cinematical regarding the Writer’s Guild strike (that started today) and a possible/probably director and actors guild strikes looming early next year. If you don’t know anything about it…just know that most entertainment as we know it is probably going to grind to a halt, or get really sloppy as studios rush things through production to avoid the total blackout.


Point of that is to then show you this video. Very funny. Pay attention to details.

Your disturbing time-waster of the day

In Funny on October 15, 2007 at 7:43 am

Here it is, your moment of…weird.

This is a marketing firm that knows what they are doing.

Location Location Location

In East Nashville, Funny, Nashville on September 25, 2007 at 7:07 am

My wife and i like Publix. Much more than Kroger. It reminds me of the old H.E.B. grocery stores in Texas. Bigger, cleaner, higher quality food (especially produce). A little pricier, but not too bad.

Everyday, we drive under this sign at Woodland and I-24 downtown:
It has changed several times over the last couple of years, but has almost always had some variation on the “High Quality, Short Drive” theme.

Here’s the problem. The nearest Publix to this sign is over 9 miles away, and a good 10-15 minute drive.
The blue icon is the billboard. The yellow bags are the Publix locations.

My wife has actually driven all the way out to one of these locations just to get in a visit. Just pray there isn’t bad traffic or the milk will go bad.

“Short drive”….right.

Keepon Keepin’ On

In Christy, Cool Tech, Funny, Videos on September 13, 2007 at 8:45 pm

Many of you may not have seen this yet. It is amazing. It is cute. It is amazingly cute.

Its name is Keepon. It is a very simple robot, but with cameras for eyes, a microphone in its nose, and programming to react to its environment and dance. It is currently being used to study non-verbal play/dance behavior in children. As my wife said, it should be used to study the ability of cute japanese products to suck money out of people’s wallets. $30 on and we’d have placed an order already.

This video was put together by Wired, as a promotion for Nextfest, a Wired-sponsored technology fair that has a big robotics push this year. From what i understand, the vast majority (if not all) of Keepon’s reactions to the music and people around it are genuine and a result of programming, not pre-scripted.

See the first test/dance video that was posted here.

bloggers unite

In Blog Stuff, Funny on August 7, 2007 at 10:04 am

Given all the discussions lately about bloggers vs. traditional media, etc…i thought this was rather funny…today’s User Friendly comic strip:

too much time on your hands: part 3

In Cool Tech, Entertainment, Funny on August 6, 2007 at 1:56 pm

I have to admire this. I guess. At least i’m interested.
Combining two of my personal favorite past times:

That’s right folks…
…a fully functional Guitar Hero controller…
…made out of Legos.

high tech repair tool

In Cool Tech, Funny on August 3, 2007 at 1:35 pm

This is freakin awesome.

stargate hockey

In Entertainment, Funny, Videos on August 2, 2007 at 10:04 pm

I was watching some of the bonus content from our new Stargate SG-1 Season 10 DVD set.

During the episode “The Quest: Part 1”, there was some rather funny commentary, especially for me as such a die hard Predators fan, and Stargate fan.

The first voice you hear is the writer, Joseph Mallozzi. The second voice you hear is Director Andy Makita.

(I just hope MGM doesn’t make me take this down. It’s not like this is going to cost them any sales…)

Apparently Andy Makita doesn’t play with the (official?) Stargate team that both Michael Shanks and Richard Dean Anderson have played for.

senator whitehouse

In Funny, History/Politics on August 2, 2007 at 9:46 am

I was listening to NPR this morning and caught the name of a senator that i’d never heard before. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse.

What was really funny about this is that the story was about Sen Whitehouse pushing through legislation to restrict the communication between the White House and the Justice Department.

But rather quickly the piece kept flirting with turning into an Abbott and Costello sketch. “Senator Whitehouse was frustrated at the White Houses’ lack of cooperation” and so forth.

Now we just need:

Chief Justice Peter Congress
President Richard Senate
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse
Representative David Justice

These jokes would write themselves.

his name wasn’t matthew

In Funny on July 27, 2007 at 8:13 pm

I find names in the Bible pretty funny. Especially all the ones in the New Testament that have been westernized or anglicanized or whatever the right word is.

Somewhat related: Twelve Most Interesting Bible Characters


blurred vision

In Funny, Me on July 24, 2007 at 7:05 am

Since i woke up this morning (which is actually still a process i am working through) my eyes have been blurry. Yes, even after i put in my contacts. I think it’s time to throw these out and start new ones. I’m horrible about remembering when 2 weeks are up.

Anyway…then i come in and check all my sites this morning…and i see this.
It didn’t help.
But it is funny.

i am now stuck in 1996

In Funny, Me, Work on July 20, 2007 at 8:35 am

Most of my co-workers that sit on the row of cubes with me discovered last week that you can set a sound file to play when you get an email. Apparently they all missed out on this when “You’ve Got Mail” was the standard in the mid-nineties.

So i am now repeatedly (and i mean over and over) bombarded with “You’ve got mail, baby, yeah!” from Austin Powers, “There is a message for you” by HAL, and “Message for you sir!” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I also just overheard someone saying someone might need to enable “micros” to correctly view an Excel spreadsheet they were being sent.

Kill me now.


In Cool Tech, Funny, Me on July 12, 2007 at 10:35 am

I just needed to share the wonders of Engadget.

Established facts: I need to know about cool tech. I am a geek and i have to know what is going on in the geek world.

I used to be a Slashdot addict (which peaked when i actually got posted), then switched over with most everyone else to Digg a few years ago when that came on the scene. But more and more both of those sites got distracted by random, only partially tech-related news. I was only interested in real “cool tech” news and related points of interest. I didn’t need to read long rants about civil rights or know about funny videos of diet coke and mentos. Not that mentos civil rights aren’t important to me, but that isn’t what i look for in a tech news site.

But i have recently re-discovered Engagdet. Great site. To the point, editor driven (keep out the hoi polloi) and so very well written. Today they are in particularly good form (i think they are all hyped up for their E3 coverage).

Here’s a sampling of some of their hilarious writing from today:

Nyko Wii Party Station:
Yeah, you thought you were living the high life with that pair of rechargeable batteries and tennis racket attachments you ponied up for — too bad you weren’t even halfway to awesome…Best of all is the completely superfluous score board to make your smack talk so much more effective, and the hand cooling fan really seals the deal. For $25, if you don’t have one of these 12 seconds after they hit store shelves, we can’t be friends anymore.

Terrifying bike helmet filters bad air, increases fear:
If you’ve been worrying that small children weren’t frightened enough when you pedaled your bike down the street, 22-year-old Luke Pannell…is here to help. The young inventor has created a biking helmet that he’s dubbed “Breathe Air,” which in addition to looking like a cross between Michael Myers, a Storm Trooper and The Predator, also features a filtering “shield” over the mouth and nose, which cuts particles and dust…Now all it needs is an attached Bluetooth headset so you can communicate back to the Death Star without taking your eyes off the road.

I laughed out loud at both of these. Makes my lunch break so much better.

online communities map

In Blog Stuff, Entertainment, Funny, Pictures on July 6, 2007 at 9:28 pm

Many of you have probably seen this before, but i wanted to be yet one more guy to throw it on my blog. As much as anything, i actually just posted this now to get it off my desktop. That’s where the file has been for months while i wait for a lull in blog-worthy topics to get around to posting it. The Predators sale, etc made sure that didn’t happen for a while. Normally i have as few items on my desktop as possible (like 4-6 shortcuts and thats it) so this just finally had to get posted.

click to enlarge
(To the best of my knowledge, this originated here).

I love that this isn’t just random web-things posted around on a map, they are arranged very logically according to their relation to other sites around, and according to the labels on the compass-rose shaped island (which itself i find hilarious). The “bit torrent” river is great too. I think my favorite item is the under-sea Usenet basin. That or the small peninsula of attractive MySpace pages. Though it is a little too large. My only real complaint would be the lack of Blogger and the relatively small size of Flickr, but of course i use both frequently, so maybe that’s just me.

I would love to see this re-drawn every year just to see how things have shifted and changed in relative size and location. Many additions and subtractions over time would be necessary i am sure.


In Funny, Nashville, Pictures on June 23, 2007 at 8:08 pm

More pictures and some comments up soon, but for now – check out my Flickr set.

put me in a better mood

In Entertainment, Funny, Videos on June 18, 2007 at 4:17 pm

Another blogger recently posted about a scene from the Mary Tyler Moore show being the funniest in sitcom history. It was very funny, and no doubt would have been funnier in the greater context, but not the best i’ve seen.

Bar none, the best episode/moment in a sitcom i have ever witnessed was the opening episode of season 3 of the Dick Van Dyke show, “That’s My Boy“. The basic premise is that Rob and Laura (played by Mary Tyler Moore by the way) have just had a baby and Rob is absolutely convinced that the hospital gave them the wrong baby. Much hilarity ensues, but the ending scene is absolutely priceless – and ground breaking. I don’t want to spoil the end for you, but it was one of the first of its kind (if not the first) on US television.

Without further ado, here it is:

Reportedly the audience laughed for several straight minutes when the gag was finally pulled, and it had to be edited out. Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke both said in the DVD bonus content that it was by far the longest laugh they’ve ever gotten.


In Entertainment, Funny on June 16, 2007 at 8:41 am

I love any sort of entertainment that is self-aware. That’s most of why i am a Robbie Williams fan. He is an over the top cheesy pop star – and he knows it. His lyrics are all about that he is a hunk of meat up for sale and how he knows the fickle public will leave him once they find out that he’s just a looser.

Anyway. That’s also one of the things i love about Stargate. It is painfully aware of itself and its audience, and frequently the writers/actors put in jokes in the show for the audience that say “yes, we know we are a silly sci-fi show that’s a little weird and we are part of pop-culture”. Not so much as to break the fourth wall, but enough that the fans get a good chuckle and it keeps the show honest about itself.

Background: for those that don’t know, Stargate SG-1 is the longest running sci-fi show ever at 10 seasons. The show actually started on Showtime, then moved to the Sci-Fi Channel after Showtime canceled it. Since that first season, the writers have never known until the last second if they were writing season finales or series finales. Often the cast was also up for a contract extension year after year as a result. However, this year, they actually had a long term plan in place, and multi-year contracts in place for all the actors – and what does the Sci-Fi Channel do? Cancel them.

This is the show that basically made the Sci-Fi Channel popular, brought them the highest ratings they had ever seen at the time, and then gave them the spin-off (Stargate Atlantis) that itself was the most popular show they had for a while. But SG-1’s ratings are not what they once were, and a new show called Eureka has grown in popularity over the passed years and was the number one show on the network for 2006. Stargate is still very popular, but it was canceled anyway. Then the network started messing with when SG-1 aired, waiting weeks longer than usual before airing the start of season 10, and waiting far longer than normal to start the second half of the season. Much confusion for us poor fans. Oh, and of course their budget has been shrunk back a good bit over the last couple of seasons compared to what they once had.

Back to the good part…

Never have i seen a better example of the show’s self-awareness than the episode “Family Ties” that aired a few weeks ago. The show started with Cameron Mitchell walking down the hallway with Sgt Siler (played by the shows stunt coordinator, something of a mascot on the show). You hear the end of their conversation as Mitchell says:

“…they canceled it, really? I didn’t even know the new season had started.”

Funny in its own right, but nothing compared to what happened later.
The episode featured a guest coming to the Earth (for reasons i won’t go in to) that had never been here before, but knew of the reputation the SGC (Stargate Command) had around the galaxy and all they have done for fighting the bad guys. Here’s an exchange that this character had with SG-1 team member Samantha Carter:

Guest: How are the readings coming along
Sam: Slowly
Guest: It’s no wonder. Look, I don’t mind telling you, I’m a little disappointed in this facility. I was expecting more.
Sam: Well, at times so do we. But the truth is the Stargate program just doesn’t get the support it used to from the people in charge.
Guest: Why not?
Scientist in the room: Eureka! 1 down, 12 to go.
Guest: That’s too bad. ‘Cause after all this Stargate program has done for this network of planets I would think that the decision makers would show it the respect it deserves.
Sam: Yeah…

Listen to the exchanges here.

Absolute genius.

The moment stuck out as a bit odd at first, not really relating to much of the rest of the story, though the exchange was very much in character for Sam and the guest, and the scientist was hard at work on a project – and i almost missed the meaning. But they only very rarely refer to the set of planets connected by the stargates as a “network”. Probably only been called that a few times in 10 years. I didn’t even realize the connection to Eureka, since i never watch that show, but my wife reminded me of it and found out it was Sci-Fi’s number one show last year.

Just brilliant.

(For the record: i actually bought the episode online for $2 to record the audio and take the screen shot, making this the first blog post i’ve actually paid money to write)

getting nothing done today

In Entertainment, Funny, Me, Work on June 8, 2007 at 6:41 am

Someone in the group next to ours brought Guitar Hero 2 and two controllers to work today and hooked it up in one of the training rooms.

I am getting nothing done today.

And my hand is already cramped from playing through Jessica on medium. Got a 92% :-)

This is a good day.


In Funny, Pictures on June 4, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I can just imagine her talking to her high school guidance counselor.
“Most of all, i want to be taken seriously as an artist.”
Opryland Hotel, Nashville, TN

pop quiz

In Family, Funny, Me on May 19, 2007 at 7:50 pm

I just tried to log in to my insurance company’s website to pay our car insurance online just like i always do, and after i entered my username and password, i was prompted with a demand to select 3 security questions and type in the answers before i could proceed.

Frustrating, but ok.
Trick is, i couldn’t write my own questions as i have been able to do on other sites> I had to pick from a relatively short list. As i looked through the list, i realized i didn’t know the answers to most of them. As a matter of fact, i was only certain of one answer on the whole list.

Pick one:

What was the name of the city your mother was born in?
What was the last name of your first teacher?
What was the name of the company where you had your first job?
What was the name of the city you visited on your first childhood vacation?
What was the make & model of your first car?
What was the destination of your first airplane trip?
What was the last name of your first boss?
If you were in the military, what was the name of your Drill Instructor?
What is the middle name of your youngest sibling?
What was the last name of your first girlfriend/boyfriend?

The next thing that struck me was that if you were an orphan/only child, never owned a car, never had a girlfriend/boyfriend, and were never in the military, then you are going to have serious trouble with this website. Or in my case, you should have answers to most of these questions but don’t because your memory of childhood is like swiss cheese.

I am pretty sure i remember where my mom was born. But if i’m right, it was one of those great cities that straddles a state line, and i don’t remember which side!

I have no idea who my first teacher was. Who qualifies as “first” anyway? I remember my first grade teachers name, but not how to spell it…and i know i had teachers in kindergarten, so strictly speaking she wasn’t my first.

As far as the city i visited on my first vacation… how the heck am i supposed to know? I was probably 3 months old. If you’re asking for the first one i can remember… don’t. Cause i know that i went on lots of vacations when i was a kid, but have absolutely no frame of reference for how old i was when i went on them, so i don’t remember if Disney World came before or after the many ski trips we took – and i don’t even remember where we went skiing, i just know it wasn’t in the flat Texas pan-handle where we lived at the time. Not to mention: does visiting family and grandparents count as a ‘vacation’, cause that opens up a whole different can of worms.

And i sure as heck have no idea when the first time i rode an airplane was or where we were going or how old i was. See above regarding vacation.

I have no clue who my first boss was, because i can’t even remember what my first job was for sure. I think it might have been my big-box-store job in high school, but then again i did a lot of free lance computer work back then too…and i think i’m forgetting something, so i’m really not sure.

Never in the military. Unless band camp counts. Which i don’t think it does.

I know my (only) sister’s middle name, but can’t remember how to spell it. Sorry sis. I can tell you the story about how even my parents weren’t sure how to spell it and they had a contest among their church youth group on how to spell it, but i can’t remember which side won!

And as for the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I know it was a girlfriend. I’m good on that part. Otherwise…come on…this gets really complicated. Was the little girl in first grade where we said we were boyfriend and girlfriend count? If so, i sure as heck have no idea what her name was. From there it was an amorphous group of girls that i liked…i don’t think many liked me in return until some girl i met on one of my mystery vacations (visiting family, so is that a vacation?) in 5th grade, but i have no idea what her name was either. First girlfriend in middle school…i think her name might have been Amy, but all i really remember about her is that i was a jerk and dumped her for a popular girl who then dumped me a week later. I have no idea what that girl’s name was.

I tried selecting the one question i was sure i had an answer to and put it down for all three times. No go. So after a while i realized i could select any random question and then just use some of my normal high-security, hard to guess passwords as the answers.

I much prefer what my bank did for its online service. It randomly asks me things from my personal data, but never had me pick out insane questions. Its just good normal stuff like what the middle 2 digits of my social are and things that are easy for me to remember, but not commonly used.

The other frustrating thing about my insurance online stuff is that i log in for one reason. To pay my bill every month. So i log in, click on bill pay, say “pay bill” – then i am immediately prompted to enter my username and password again. They say this is for extra security. I just entered it 5 seconds ago. Literally. All you’re doing is giving someone who may have missed stealing my password by looking over my shoulder or sniffing packets online, another stab at it. If someone already has my password, all this does is frustrate them as much as it does me as the enter it again.

Inconvenience does not equal security, and security should not necessitate inconvenience.

playing to the crowd

In Christy, Entertainment, Family, Funny, Hockey, Me, Sports, Videos on May 11, 2007 at 11:27 am

Here it is.
Our 3 minutes of fame.
Christy and i running around on the ice in front of 17,113 fans during game 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

We were selected at random as we walked in to the arena.
It was pretty cool.

FYI: The Predators crew felt so bad about the way things went (we were clearly ahead when the official got in my way) that they loaded us up with as many things as they could find and cram into two Predators duffel bags. So we have bobble heads, towels, trading cards, and drinking cups galore now – all of which went into the bathroom downstairs that was already decorated in 90% Predators / 10% Spurs :-)

I was also able to snag the puck that Christy played as we left the ice.
Quite an experience.

And a special thanks to Paul McCann, the Predators PA announcer (and fellow Dell employee during his day job) who was able to secure us the DVD of the “show” – it is a raw feed from what was shown on the scoreboard.

pictures, lots of pictures

In Blog Stuff, Christy, Funny, Hockey, Me, Pictures, Sports on April 14, 2007 at 6:11 pm

I haven’t blogged on pictures in a while, but for those who have been following my Flickr site, i have been posting a TON (several hundred in the last couple of weeks, actually).

I certainly wouldn’t expect most (if any) of my loyal throng of readers (i think i’m up to 4 or 5 now if my mom has been able to “make my blog work”).

So, here is a quick summary of what i think are the better and more interesting pictures, as well as the stories behind some of them. (for all of these pictures, just click to see the full view on my Flickr page)

First is a series of pictures taken with long exposure times. Basically the “shutter” (it is a digital camera, so no real shutter) is open for a full 15 seconds. The result is brilliant lights, colors, etc, as well as streaks/stretches anything that moves.

One of the down sides to the long shutter time is that if the camera doesn’t stay perfectly still, it totally blurs the image. Sometimes the results are kinda cool though. I’ve started doing it on purpose occasionally:

Of course, many of the hundreds of pictures i have posted recently have been of hockey related since we’ve been going to so many games.

Here are some pictures i was able to grab of a tradition that i have noticed that i think is really cool and i doubt most people have seen. Many teams in the NHL just have a bucket of pucks they pour on the ice for free skate (warm ups). Others (like the sharks) have a guy throw them all out on the ice. However, the Predators have someone meticulously stack them in a pyramid shape on the edge of the boards by the tunnel. Then when Vokoun comes out (he almost always leads the team out the tunnel) he knocks them off on to the ice.

Anyway, that’s it for now.
Many more on my Flickr site, and i’m sure i’ll post more soon.

the nhl experience – nashville style

In Funny, Hockey, Nashville, Pictures, Sports, Videos on April 8, 2007 at 3:43 pm

I’ve shot a good deal of video at recent Predators games.
As a result, i have a series of them uploaded to Google Video that, when strung together, may give you some idea what attending games can be like. (All of these can be viewed much larger by clicking on the Google Video logo instead of just hitting play)

First, we have the occasional open practice the day before a game. The Sportsplex is open to anyone that wants to watch the players run drills or sometimes even have a full practice.

Second, we have the pre-game warm-ups.
Anyone is allowed to go down near ice level (or to the glass if you get there early enough) and watch the players up close. If you are lucky, you may even be one of the many fans that J.P. Dumont or Vern Fiddler flips a puck to over the glass.

Next we have the visitor starting lineups.
In Nashville we have the tradition of yelling “SUCKS!” after each visiting players name is called out. After the coach, we yell “AND HE SUCKS TOO!”

After that, the Predators mascot, Gnash, is introduced. Sometimes he just comes out on the ice riding a four wheeler. Sometimes he comes straight down a rip line. But for really big games (first and last games of the year, playoffs, etc) he will come down the rip line swinging.

Then of course we have the Predators starting lineups as everyone skates out for the game.

Once the game gets starting, it usually isn’t long before someone on the opposing team is whisted for a penalty and has to go to the penalty box.
For this, we all yell “AHHHHHH…SIT DOWN YA LOSER!”

Once we are on the power play, it usually isn’t very long until we get to go through one of the many stages of our goal celebration with our own creative lyrics to “The Hey Song”

During intermission, there is usually some sort of silly contest featuring some people in tennis shoes trying to run around on the ice. This is my favorite flavor:

After a while the opposing team gets tired of being pushed around and they may start a little fight or two…and then someone may throw a catfish on the ice…and sometimes they happen all at once

So see, it is so much fun – everyone should come out and watch all the hockey games they can in person!

romeo without juliet

In Entertainment, Funny, Nashville on March 22, 2007 at 6:44 pm

I have to do a little mini-rant. Mostly just pointing out something i think is silly. A good idea gone just slightly wrong.

The local Yellow Pages around here have an add that plays about 10 times during every Predators game on the radio (which i listen to a lot since we don’t have cable). It is meant to promote their Companion Directories. Basically mini-versions of their normal dead-tree phone books (does anyone use those anymore?). The idea is that the two books work best in combination.

The premise is simple enough – imagine famous people in history without their famous partner.

Lewis without Clark…
Lewis: “Man are my feet tired, any one want to go further?”
Crowd: “Nah”

Orville without Wilbur…
Orville: “I will make history! Man will fly! Can someone give me a push? Anyone?”

… Funny enough. But then they go off the deep end…

Romeo without Juliet:
Friend: “Romeo, you doing anything tonight?”
Romeo: “Just staying at home, working on my tapestry”
Friend: “Romeo, get a life.”

The irony in the last statement is priceless. Romeo without Juliet would have lived longer! He wouldn’t have killed himself. He’d have had a chance to work on a lot more tapestries. I think all-in-all you’d have to say Romeo without Juliet would have been a generally improved situation.

Funny commercial, but i think this is just evidence of how many people read the first part of the play in high school, got lazy, and never got around to finishing it.

wake up, sir

In Funny, Me on March 12, 2007 at 2:12 pm

This is awesome.

An alarm clock that awakens you with one of 50+ messages voiced by Stephen Fry (Jeeves of “Jeeves and Wooster

For geeks like myself, this serves the wonderful dual benefits of being awakened both by the worlds most famous butler and the voice of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Can you think of a better way to wake up?

My favorite wake-up message (of the samples listed):

“I am so sorry to disturb you, Sir, but it appears to be morning. Very inconvenient I agree. I believe the rotation of the Earth is to blame, Sir.”

Very well may be something I spend some of my birthday money on :-)
The version for the ladies is supposed to be coming soon.

Update: Ok, I won’t be buying it. As awesome as all of that is, it doesn’t support 24 hour time – as in – it goes off every 12 hours! That isn’t cool. If it went off at 2:00 in the afternoon while i’m not home that might be ok (though it would annoy my wife i’m sure), but going off at 6:30pm as i’m eating dinner and asking me to wake up is just dumb. Not to mention – that means that the 50 messages would not actually last 3 months before repeating (as advertised), they would only last a month and a half. Oh well. Maybe I can just buy all the messages on CD and use them in the CD alarm clock i already own an use. :-)

Update 2:
For those who haven’t had the joy of experiencing Jeeves and Wooster, check it out, someone uploaded it to YouTube. Most of the time content owners pull these things down pretty quickly, so i have to assume that its ok with them. Anyway, here’s part one. Links to all 5 parts are below.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5


In Funny, Hockey, Sports on February 17, 2007 at 10:33 am

In an interview with sports radio 104.5 yesterday, Predators GM David Poile said that he drug his feet a little on the deal before making his final offer so that Forsberg would still be with Philly and give them a chance to do what they did – beat Detroit and help the Preds out a bit.

So Foppa was playing for the Preds before he knew he was :-)


In Blog Stuff, Entertainment, Funny on February 16, 2007 at 1:05 pm

I think one of my favorite quotes from the short-lived Dilbert TV show may answer the question of whether or not bloggers are reporters…

Dilbert: “What makes you qualified to be a reporter?”

Dogbert: “I’m willing to violate anyone’s privacy for my own personal gain and then claim with a straight face that the public has a right to know.”

I thought it was funny anyway.

picture time

In Blog Stuff, East Nashville, Family, Funny, Me, Pictures on February 2, 2007 at 7:22 am

It’s been a while since i used any of the pictures i’ve been taking with my cool new phone. But today’s snow cover prompted me to finally bluetooth the pictures over to my PC.
So here ya go…

Pictures of our front- and backyards this morning. In the backyard pic you can see a little bit of our new driveway that is being worked on. Yay!

This is a picture of what Cameron (our 7-month old lab puppy) did to his dog house. It used to have a front…and a bottom. Fortunately a little plywood and a few screws and its as good as new – functionally at least.

I find this really funny. It’s a gas station on Gallatin Rd. near Briley Pkwy. It is a BP gas station, with a Mapco convenience store and the pumps serve Amoco fuel. I think they are a little confused.
You can’t see it very well from this picture (taken on Church St downtown while stuck in traffic), but this is a fleet of police scooters (which i do think are kinda cool) all parked in a row – in a 24-hour no parking zone. Christy said she used to see them every day parked there on her way in to work.
And last but not least, a dark, fuzzy picture of the menu at the Cheesecake Factory. I was pretty disappointed in this place. Forget the fact that i’ve had better cheesecake at mexican-food joints, and that the wait was way too long, and that the food was only mediocre… Their menu’s have full page ads on every page of the menu! This is supposed to be a “nice” restaurant! I can take the ads in the bathrooms. I think those are actually kinda cool. But on the menus! And we’re not talking nice ads for a wine that they carry – we’re talking cheap car dealership ads! I don’t plan on voluntarily eating there ever again.


In Blog Stuff, Christy, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Funny, Me on January 16, 2007 at 7:52 am

Well this is it.
My 100th blog post.

I know you were all keeping track and waiting in anticipation.

In grand tradition, i will now say “blog” 100 times.

Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog

(…you know, that doesn’t look as big or long as i thought it would. And now to the actual post….)

Two issues:

  1. Many of my posts, especially recently, have been about the Predators, or hockey, or at least sports.
  2. None of you are commenting!

Point 1) I am considering branching off and making a Predators/Sports blog. Not that there aren’t enough good forums and even a few decent blogs…but more than a few have gone silent. OK…even the official blog is pretty poor. Predators’ PA announcer Paul McCann‘s is the only really solid, consistent one I have found.

Point 2) I know that many of you that read my posts may be new to this ‘blog’ thing, but it is traditional (or at least common) for people to actually comment on my posts. Can be as simple as “Amen brother!” or as long as the comment my dad posted when i ticked him off about the Billy Graham statue. My wife is the only person to comment more than once i think (thank you sweetheart).

So – your assignment…


Thank you for your time and attention.

eye ken reed gude

In East Nashville, Funny on January 13, 2007 at 10:06 am

For those that don’t know, my wonderful wife is an editor. But for some reason, i think this bothered me more than her…

Backstory: There used to be a cheap “discount tobacco” store at the intersection of Porter and Greenwood (across from Family Wash) not too far from our house. Not to long ago new ownership bought the building and kicked them out (yay!). New, better businesses were promised. Then came the news that another smoke shop was coming in, but it would be a high-class smoke and liquor store, not a trashy one. I would actually welcome that…we don’t drink, but i know many respectable people that do, and I don’t envy them having to go into trashy liquor stores to buy their wine for dinner.

However, shortly there after a cheap banner went up on the still-vacant building reading “Smoke Depot, Now Open”. About 2 months later, after a coat of bright yellow paint (that matches the mailer below), the store actually did open. It looks worse than what was there before.

Then, earlier this week, we got this mailer delivered to us. I expected that it was just put in our mailbox illegally (non-postage) since they are just down the street, but no, it was actually mailed from Murfreesboro, TN.

Just give yourself a minute to study this “flayer”.
I count 26 flagrant spelling or punctuation errors alone – not counting bad formatting, non-centered heading, tacky graphics, etc.

I would give it to my mom to use in her classroom as a lesson on why it is important to be literate, but i’m not sure that the content is appropriate.

funny hockey video

In Funny, Hockey, Sports, Videos on January 8, 2007 at 11:25 am

This is really funny.

The Ottawa Senators are famous for doing their postgame interviews during their cool down process on exercise bikes — something New York Rangers winger Brendan Shanahan had a little fun with when the Rangers were in town last month.


In Funny, Me, Work on January 5, 2007 at 4:30 pm

I am so glad that i have the phone i do with the camera it has…it lets me share things like this with the world…

On my way out from the office today i passed by a “team room” that i pass by almost every day. Today – it was a little different…
Keep in mind the scale here – this is a 4’x 6′ white board.
My guess is someone’s kid here as free day-care did this.

Isn’t your life better now?

squish the buffaslugs

In Christy, Funny, Hockey, Me, Pictures, Sports on December 20, 2006 at 10:27 pm

Christy and i have free tickets to the Predators game against the Buffalo Sabres tomorrow night. They are very good seats, just a few rows from the ice.

So Christy got a great idea for a poster…we just made it:

For background reading on what a “Buffaslug” is, check here, here, and here.
Watch for us on TV!

Update: We had fun at the game, but obviously it didn’t turn out the way we wanted. We were very surprised by how many Buffalo fans were there, too. And apparently many of them came from Buffalo – just for the game. I think Christy had a good idea: Hold a Red Wings vs. Sabres exhibition game in Municipal Auditorium, then lock the doors.

Anyway – here are a couple of pictures from the game. We did get on the jumbotron with the sign in the first intermission, but i didn’t think fast enough to pull my phone out and take a picture then. Oh well. We were still cool. And the seats were great.

new laptop features

In Cool Tech, Funny, Pictures, Work on December 19, 2006 at 8:57 pm

Apparently my new laptop came loaded with an interesting new feature…

If you’ve had a long day or rough time in your last meeting and need to take out some frustration, it comes equipped with an impact-proof “strike zone”. Feel free to hit it with your hand in frustration or bang your head against it. I have a feeling that if you really needed to, you could also use it in self-defense by hitting your aggressor (or frustrating co-worker) over the head.

Just make sure to use the Strike Zone. Performance of the laptop is not guaranteed if you use any other portion as an anvil.

cheap "technology"

In Cool Tech, Funny on December 3, 2006 at 9:39 pm

Since i saw these in the stores a few weeks ago, i have been trying to decide if this is really cool, or really awful.

Walmart has LCD projectors with built in DVD-player for $248.

The catch: limited focal length (largest image it can pull off 60 inches diagonal). That’s not so bad because the real catch is that the resolution is only 557 x 234. That’s right. Good luck making-out the text on your video games – though, as the box points out – you can play them on your ceiling! I can’t tell you how many nights i have lied awake and wanted to play video games on a small, blurry screen 7 feet above my head. Oh, and no lumens rating is given, but my guess is this thing uses a standard flashlight bulb. None of the pictures on the box are in anything but a darkened room.

I guess this really is kinda cool, simply because it is so cheap. If they were charging $500 for it, then it would be bad. But any LCD projector for $250 isn’t all bad. At this point, people get what they pay for, and if they think it’s awesome, them cool for them.

no longer concerned

In Entertainment, Funny, Games on November 6, 2006 at 6:44 am

Today is a sad day. Concerned an online comic-strip that takes place in the Half-Life universe (mostly in City 17) has ended. (BTW: it’s final comic included a reference back to its first strip.) It ran for about a year and a half and was a very funny comic, well done, and full of inside jokes for players of the game. If you’ve ever played Half-Life and Half-Life 2, I highly recommend you read through it. Of course, it’s probably best to start at the beginning.

I also highly recommend reading a few comic essays from the same guy. They are pretty old, but hilarious. Check out E-maul, Fired, and especially See Spot; Run.